Losing my Grandpa

2 months ago

Bonjour Dolls, 

Losing someone is hard. In fact, I think it's the hardest thing to ever happen. Recently my grandpa died and I needed an outlet for my emotions because I soon discovered you cannot just put them in a box and save them for later. You have to face them. Yes, I've lost family before, but I rarely saw them (as they lived in Holland) so I barely knew them, but this is different. This is the first time somebody close to me in my family has died and I've never been hit harder.

This post that you are reading I am writing the day after he died. The day before yesterday, my grandpa wasn't feeling well and didn't want to eat so the people at the nursing home kept an eye on him. The next morning he was taken to hospital and it turned out he had a UTI and the infection had spread to the rest of his body. I found out after work and practically jumped in the car so my mum could drive my sister and me out there. My dad was already there because the doctors knew he wasn't going to make it. Hearing those words was so hard and I spent the whole car ride just crying. Grandpa had always just been there with someone on his lap or cracking a joke. 

The last thing I ever said to him was, "Bye bye grandpa. I love you," before we left. He died that night and my grandma heard him breathe his last breath before silence. The hardest and the worst part was watching my cousin just break down. I've never been close with my dad's family but watching him just sit there devasted and crying was so awful, especially since he's always so happy and strong. Grandpa could barely even speak; I just hope he knew I was there. Grief is like the ocean: it comes in waves that ebb and flow. Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming, yet all we can do is learn to swim.

Au revoir mes amis,